Paris Fashion Report

Paris is the undeniable fashion capital of the world. What is seen here today will be a hit in your town tomorrow. But, fashion fan, conveniently, you are reading this today. Thereby, heed the six hot tips of this intrepid reporter, so that from the mall to main street, you, too, can be tre chic le freak (that’s French for “extremely classy and fashionable”).

1. Move over, Reebok. Get yourself a pair of Converse high tops. It’s the only shoe to be seen in. Entire hipster shoe stores are dedicated to the myriad colors and, well, only one shape. Whether you are sitting for hours at a café or standing for hours in line at the Musee d’Orsay, this is the shoe for any occasion.

2. And while you’re braving those elements, make sure to wrap your wee neck up in a scarf. Winter, spring, summer, and fall, it’s always cold enough to wear a scarf. At least for your neck. Accessorizes great with blazers, sweaters, polos, tshirts, and speedos. Always tie with the tail facing forward, showing as much fringe as possible.

3. This year, women’s hairstyles haven’t shifted much from last year’s “long and pouty with a chopstick” look. But men – let those fauxhawks grow on out. Yes, tousled hair is all the rage. Available in both messy, and mussy, men are unkempt as never before. Sell your shares in Supercuts – all you need is a good night’s sleep and 10 fingers to run randomly through your hair. And by the way, when this looks comes to San Francisco, I am going to rock your world.

4. Also in this year is smoking. Cigarettes, that is (please hold one week for the Amsterdam fashion report). It’s not unusual to see three generations of families enjoying a nice Marlboro Red after each course at their favorite outdoor Brasserie. It’s the kind of beautiful family bonding moment that helps pass the rich French heritage down through the generations.

5. And what a great year it is to be old. Old people are out everywhere, shopping, eating, swinging their canes at the young people, and genuinely enjoying life. Whereas in San Francisco, old people know they are unfashionable, and thus have the grace to stay inside, or move to Palm Springs, here they have the run of the land. And no elevators, escalators, or any kind of accessible amenity is needed for this hale lot. No, just another glass of wine, and no 100-stair descent into the Metro is inaccessible.

6. Finally, you must know, French is all the rage this year. From the top of the Eiffel Tower to the back of the smokiest café, Parisians insist on speaking the old lingua franca as if Napolean was still out kicking ass. Don’t worry if you don’t speak the language, it’s easy – just a few zheh zheh frah wee wees, and you can be fast friends with all Parisians you can stand.